Alright, so here's a little background on me some of you don't know. I was born in a third-world country and raised by a pack of hungry elves. Before you ask, no I didn't build toys... I made cookies. Why were they hungry you ask? Because they hate cookies. They only make them because all the fat little kiddies give them money. But why don't they use the money to buy food? I don't know... I never asked. I just ate the cookies. Moving right along, I was on a top secret mission gathering intel from the Keebler hut when I was recruited by the British Government for an experimental spy program. At this point I was pissing myself with excitement thinking all right, I finally found something to do with my life! But right before my first mission, that pussy Blair took over and started sucking Bush's balls and the program was canceled. Yeah, bummer I know. So I said fine, screw the Brits, I'm going to Ireland. So when I applied for their top secret espionage program, they put me through rigorous training. First, because I wasn't wearing any green, they beat my ass with four-leaf clovers. How they found that many or managed to get them to stay in a ball, I'll never know, but the bastards did it! After that I said fuck it, I quit. Then I went to the bar. While there, I was approached by a very beautiful woman saying she would escort me to the United States for a small fee. I had nothing to lose, so I accepted. The bitch didn't tell me I was going to be smuggling drugs while doing this. And fuck whatever anyone else says, those Irish know how to do a strip-search! I don't know what was worse... the dogs' noses in my ass or the fact that it wasn't the first time it happened. Fast forward to three years later and I'm sitting in a cave naked eating pinecones when I finally get an idea. I can sell honey-dipped pinecones and make millions! Turns out, the idea sucked, but I still made enough money to move to the city and attend college for a real chance at life. Now that you have my life story, there should be no need to ask questions. However, if there are any, please feel free to ask. If I don't respond, then I might have been called upon by my elfish friends to assist on another mission against the Keeblers. I'm almost running out of cookies. IM: Greenmonkeys161