Hi, I'm Chris. Except for the time my family and I lived in Jamaica, I have lived in Mississippi my entire life. Yes, it's a miracle of nature that I'm even able to form grammatically correct sentences.

If I had to describe myself (and it seems I do since no one else has offered to write this damned thing for me) I would say I'm your typical adorable dork.

I'm a bit of a sci-fi geek, I read, I write, I play video games, I sing in the shower, I can play the tuba, I've been to Australia, I love chocolate, I prefer headphones to earbuds, I write with fountain pens, I like tuna, I use a lot of double-sided tape from day to day, I like the game cricket, I stole my boss' stapler.

If you have any further questions there's an information kiosk near the front of the store. Yes, that's right, by the Rent-a-Vacs and the gum ball machines.